Dawdling away


They sleep together for the first time (unplatonically) on the night before Kyouya leaves for Berlin. Kyouya is drained from trying to let go and Tamaki is desperate from not wanting to let go and on top of that both of them are drunk (not enough however to let the alcohol take the blame).

The thin line is irrefutably crossed when Tamaki clings to Kyouya's neck whining ("but I'll be so lonely without kaa-san" and "promise you'll write, everyday, just a single word, please" and "Kyouya, don't leave me" ) and suddenly says "Kyouya, are you crying?" and Kyouya didn't know he was. He makes for raising his hand to wipe away the signs of betrayal but Tamaki gets there first and touches his lips to the corner of his eye. (Kyouya's skin burns.) When he pulls away he finds he can't because (somehow, unnoticed) Tamaki's hand got twisted in his hair and stops him and then their eyes meet (he couldn't help it) and he sees love and sadness and longing and want and knows he has lost (again).

Tamaki tastes like citrus and wine and cinnamon; Kyouya should taste similar as they all had dinner together (only without the cinnamon, he let Tamaki have his dessert) but Tamaki finds that the bitter taste of the coffee (so very Kyouya) drowns everything else out (and he doesn't mind at all). It is only a question of time until the kisses are not sufficient anymore to convey what they both need to say.

(I love you. Stay. Don't ever leave me. I need you.)

They say a very quiet good-bye at the airport the next morning and the others wonder (well, a few of them do) and Kyouya feels strangely distanced from everything that happens after that, getting a stiff neck from sleeping on the flight, shaking hands with people who pick him up and smiling at people he knows he should know but can't remember just now (how did that ever happen?). When later in the evening (their evening, his early morning) he reads Tamaki's email (filled to the brim with annoying smilies and nonsense and entirely uncalled-for "I miss you"s) Kyouya finally feels the distance crushing down on him. He wakes up with a headache the next day. The postcard he sends is empty save for a small K.O. in the bottom corner. (When he comes back to Japan after six months for a short visit he will find it pinned up in the middle of Tamaki's bedroom wall, surrounded by all the other cards he sent.)

They never talk about what happened ever again, they never talk about what is. But Kyouya will continue to write and Tamaki will continue to wait and on top of that both are far too (stubborn, proud, naive, unwilling to see) in love to let go.

25.7.09 18:10


Once upon

Once upon a time, there was a prince and a princess. And they were to be wed.

But then Haruhi meets the gardener's son and is stubborn enough to fall in love.

But then there is the prince's twin and they don't want to be separated, don't want to be different, don't want to be told apart by "the one who is married" and "the one who is not". Besides, they'd rather go out on heroic adventures than be stuck in a castle with a wife.

And then there is the queen, a dazzling beauty with charcoal eyes, a burning gaze and imprisoning smile, far too unruffled by the sudden death of her husband. They dance when the occasion arises.

When the king learns of his daughters elopement and the unwillingness and devilishness that are the twins, he distresses. Runs around in small circles, clawing at his hair, looking for a way to escape the now impending doom of war and the destruction of their countries and the sorrow and grief for their people and and .... The queen stands aside, silent, watching. The king turns to her with a helpless what-shall-we-do~oo and it is in this moment that he realizes he has taken to thinking in "we" and recognizes the promise of a smile on her lips. He utters a soft surprised "Oh" and then kneels before her.

Once upon a time there was a king and his queen. (And they were to be wed.)

25.7.09 18:08


"Um - you're his lover?"

"No, I'm not. Maybe I could be, would be, if-"

"Should be, rather."

"Oh, good morning. There's coffee in the kitchen."

18.3.09 13:20

What you are to me.

But birds are meant to fly, who told you otherwise? It's unnatural. And such a beautiful one nonetheless, strong wings, elegant colours.

Tamaki unlocks the golden cage, gently launches the bird off into the sky and whispers "Soar."

18.3.09 13:18


"You are the biggest idiotic block-head I've ever met! Are you stupid? You think he'd do that with anyone? You think he'd do that for anyone? You think he just goes and cries his heart out to the next best person who has the impertinence of going ahead and calling himself his friend?

Do you honestly, honestly believe he'd have let you do all that stuff if he hadn't liked you? Loved you? Did anything just to see you fucking smile?

He's entranced by you, he calls it "bewitched" and "emprisoned" and at first he hated it, he didn't want to be in love with you, he wanted to get away, and he tried, but couldn't and that was when I found him at my doorstep, crying, broken, shaking all over.

He loves you, idiot. He fucking loves you and don't you dare let him leave. Don't you dare let him go and don't you dare come back here without him.

And now get out of here.

Run. Run, Tamaki."

And he ran.

18.3.09 13:12


I break and yell.

"Just shut the fuck up!"

I stand in the room, frozen, hands balled into fists, eyes clenched shut and I'm about to cry. I try to breathe evenly, to block out my thoughts, to not. break. down. but it doesn't work and I can already feel the tears building up and know I can't stop them and I don't want to cry, an Ootori does. not. cry, but I'm losing control and -

- suddenly there's arms around me, pulling me against a warm body. I can hear Tamaki's voice next to my ear, "Kyouya", just saying my name over and over, in that soft, vibrant tone of his.

"Kyouya. Don't worry. We're here. I'm here. It will work out, it'll be okay, don't worry, Kyouya. Everything's alright, it'll work out somehow. Kyouya."

The world starts to fade, all sounds are getting tuned down and muffled. The tension in my body loosenes up and I feel Tamaki just holding tighter.

"Kyouya. I'm here, Kyouya, don't worry. I'll help you with anything, we'll make it somehow, just don't worry anymore. I'm here, Kyouya - "

I don't quite get what he's saying anymore, his voice isn't loud enough, but it doesn't really matter. His breath is warm against the side of my face and I feel tired and worn out. I let my head fall onto his shoulder and move my arms a bit to bury my hands in his shirt. My consciousness drifts further and further away and the last things I remember is the soft touch of lips against my neck in a whisper of my name.

8.8.08 21:36

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