Dawdling away


They sleep together for the first time (unplatonically) on the night before Kyouya leaves for Berlin. Kyouya is drained from trying to let go and Tamaki is desperate from not wanting to let go and on top of that both of them are drunk (not enough however to let the alcohol take the blame).

The thin line is irrefutably crossed when Tamaki clings to Kyouya's neck whining ("but I'll be so lonely without kaa-san" and "promise you'll write, everyday, just a single word, please" and "Kyouya, don't leave me" ) and suddenly says "Kyouya, are you crying?" and Kyouya didn't know he was. He makes for raising his hand to wipe away the signs of betrayal but Tamaki gets there first and touches his lips to the corner of his eye. (Kyouya's skin burns.) When he pulls away he finds he can't because (somehow, unnoticed) Tamaki's hand got twisted in his hair and stops him and then their eyes meet (he couldn't help it) and he sees love and sadness and longing and want and knows he has lost (again).

Tamaki tastes like citrus and wine and cinnamon; Kyouya should taste similar as they all had dinner together (only without the cinnamon, he let Tamaki have his dessert) but Tamaki finds that the bitter taste of the coffee (so very Kyouya) drowns everything else out (and he doesn't mind at all). It is only a question of time until the kisses are not sufficient anymore to convey what they both need to say.

(I love you. Stay. Don't ever leave me. I need you.)

They say a very quiet good-bye at the airport the next morning and the others wonder (well, a few of them do) and Kyouya feels strangely distanced from everything that happens after that, getting a stiff neck from sleeping on the flight, shaking hands with people who pick him up and smiling at people he knows he should know but can't remember just now (how did that ever happen?). When later in the evening (their evening, his early morning) he reads Tamaki's email (filled to the brim with annoying smilies and nonsense and entirely uncalled-for "I miss you"s) Kyouya finally feels the distance crushing down on him. He wakes up with a headache the next day. The postcard he sends is empty save for a small K.O. in the bottom corner. (When he comes back to Japan after six months for a short visit he will find it pinned up in the middle of Tamaki's bedroom wall, surrounded by all the other cards he sent.)

They never talk about what happened ever again, they never talk about what is. But Kyouya will continue to write and Tamaki will continue to wait and on top of that both are far too (stubborn, proud, naive, unwilling to see) in love to let go.

25.7.09 18:10


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